The slacker’s 10 commandments
1.Never make any kind of negative report about a fellow worker unless the worker’s actions are actively threatening the safety and wellbeing of yourself or another worker.
2.Never “go the extra mile” or put in “extra hours” without demanding fair compensation.
3.Always make it appear that you are going the extra mile, especially when you are not.
4.Never participate in “mandatory fun” like company picnics, softball leagues, etc. — especially on your own time! — unless you would genuinely enjoy the activity.
5.Never report a shoplifter or anyone who is fleecing the company unless not doing so would actively endanger your wellbeing or the wellbeing of a fellow worker.
6.Conceal the mistakes and transgressions of coworkers whenever possible, unless their mistakes are actively hurting you or other workers.
7A.Do not concern yourself with anything that is hindering the profits of the company. You aren’t being fairly paid, so it’s literally none of your business.
7B. If your employer is truly horrible, it’s okay to do direct acts of sabotage, slowdowns, and other such acts of resistance against them! Just be extremely careful and thoughtful about how you go about it so as not to endanger or harm yourself or coworkers.
8.If customers are working class, treat them with dignity and respect and put their needs before the needs of the company. Give them good service, help them find discounts and good deals, or simply be honest with them if they are getting a bad deal.
9.If customers are of the capitalist class, never go out of your way to serve them. They may see you as a mere servant, but you must never see yourself that way. If you make commission on sales, then squeeze as much as you can from them!
10. Always steal office supplies.
I would like to recognize, in closing, that I take no pleasure in offering this advice. On the contrary, I find it very sad and depressing. I was raised to take great pride in my work and one of the great joys of life is making or doing something with all the passion and energy you can muster.
Capitalists are robbing us of much more than the monetary value of our paycheck. They are robbing us of the value of craftsmanship and honest labor. They brought this fight to us. We should have no shame in taking these measures to defend ourselves.
A key reason to seize the means of production is so working people can take pride in our work once more!